Sunday, January 26, 2020

Counting Made Desperate (but I've got a cunning plan)

It should be an easy matter to count anything from beans to people but not here in the People's Banana Empire of New York where progressive liberals prove they can make any simple task a bureaucratic nightmare. Logical organization and breaking down a large task among smaller, coordinated groups is hard enough but what if you're under the gun to pad out the numbers to hide the fact that people are fleeing the place in droves. This might be one of the reasons our rulers are trying so desperately to ban motor vehicles from the People's Empire to keep them from escaping without the embarrassment of building a Berlin-style wall.

The Gotham Gazette gives us the update on the counting and sorting problems here.

Aside from the usual method of problem solving most often employed by liberals- spending flipping great wads of cash, just throwing it around and hoping something happens other than politically connected people and groups pocket it, there's another suggestion I might offer: Copy names off headstones at the local cemeteries.

This has a time honored tradition among Democrats during elections when every vote counts, including dead people who amazingly vote 100% Democrat after they've shuffled off this mortal coil and presumably have thought the better of it. So why be bigoted against the dead just because they are not exactly alive according conventional definitions? I mean, just because they're dead and buried, in various states of decay, they still sort of reside here, right? Since when does death deprive us of our constitutional rights? If we can define "family" as 2 or more people living in the same domicile regardless of relation and there can be 57 different genders, then why can dead people not be classified as an alternative definition of being alive?  A cemetery then, is the place they live or exist or something. Who are we to judge. So why not just use the cemetery road and plot number as an address and voila! The city and state population jumps by millions! Tens of millions! 5 million alternative definition of being alive people reside in cemeteries in the borough of Queens which would triple the census count in this borough alone.

Ah, think of all the new voters we can register with a 100% vote for the Ruling Party, the extra electoral college votes we can get. No more talk of end runs around it 'cause it works for the Party now! Imagine all the gerrymandering and creation of brand spanking new congressional seats from whole cloth. A jobs program for politicians that politicians can get behind. A dozen more Democrat Socialists of America congress creatures, moar Sandy the Barmaids. moar federal money to spend and pocket. This is truly a cunning plan that cannot fail!

Donald Cavaioli

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